Since today is fast Sunday in our ward today, I decided I would like to share my testimony. Although I can't attend church, I do feel it is important for me to share my knowledge of the gospel and its truthfulness. And I would consider the past MONTH my version of a fast...haha.
I KNOW that my Redeemer and Saviour, Jesus Christ Lives. I know that he came to this earth as our Father's only begotten son. He lived a PERFECT life and yet Atoned for all of our sins. Not only did he atone for our sins, he atoned for our sufferings and sadness. He knows each of us individual and can succor us according to our individual needs. Even in our deepest, darkest trials he does not leave us. I have felt him near as I have cried out to him. I have been surrounded by his love as I have struggled over the past few weeks.
I'm grateful for kind doctors and nurses who are patient with the fact they have to constantly clean up me. I'm also grateful for Prayer! Although I am by myself most of the day, I don't have to feel completely alone because I know I am not. I couldn't imagine going through something like this without a knowledge of a father in heaven who loves me and knows me. I am grateful for a husband who is worthy to hold the priesthood and can give me blessings at a moments notice! I am grateful for the atonement of a Saviour who suffered not only for my sins but for my suffering and sorrows. Sometimes I feel like no one understands what this sickness is truly like, but I know my Saviour Jesus Christ knows just how it feels. I am grateful for support near and far! And I am especially grateful I am carrying a precious child of our Heavenly Father's! If anything would be worth this pain and suffering, becoming a mother is!!! I am grateful to know that my baby is healthy even though I might not be. I am so excited to be a mom! And that's one thing that I hold on to EVERY DAY!
I guess when I truly stop and reflect I still have a whole lot to be thankful for! My God has not forsaken me! I believe in him with all my heart and know that he lives! I understand now a little bit more why the Lord draws us closer to him through trials. I have never prayed more often, or pleaded with God in such a sincere manner before now. I think I have felt the true definition of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And although I have never felt so low in my life, I have never been lifted HIGHER! I am learning to let go and let Christ carry me as in the poem Footprints! I know that when I look back in the sand it will be clear to me that the one set of footprints was never mine. There is no other explanation for me to be where I am. This span of time will be but a small moment and I hope to look back at this time with gratitude and not a grudge. I am not claiming that I do not have times when I want to give up or quite, but those times pass when I learn to rely on the Lord. My testimony truly is the crutch I hold tightly to. When the weight is just too much, I lean on my testimony. Without it, I would have given up long ago. Don't ever let your testimony fade... it is the light that leads you in the right direction.
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