Just a quick update for everyone. I have had a very rocky road over the past 6-7 weeks as I have received new treatments and medications in the hospital. Some made symptoms worse, while ONE made all the difference. About 2 weeks ago my doctor prescribed a steriod for me to try. Although this medication has not made all of my symptoms fade, it has made it possible for me to stomach food and water again. After 3 months of not being able to keep anything down it was a wonderful experience to taste food and have it stay down. I still have a constant feeling of nausea but I guess I can deal with that in comparison to what I have experienced so far in this pregnancy.
Yesterday I was able to have my PICC line removed which was a very big step. I am no longer being fed through a tube, given IV medications or hooked up to a constant line of saline. I am tolerating all my medications orally and with that means I am able to be at HOME! I was released from the hospital yesterday and am so HAPPY to be in my own home. It will be somewhat difficult getting back into some kind of routine but, I am hoping over the long weekend I will be able to start getting used to being back in my own space with Brad here before I have to do it on my own during upcoming days. I have spent 3 months being very dependent on doctors, nurses and other hospital staff and so I am very nervous to start living more independentantly here at home. But with the continued support of friends and family I know that this is going to be possible.
I want to take a second to thank EVERYONE who has been a support and help throughout this trial so far. Visits, cards, flowers, etc. were all very appreciated. Brad and I would not have been able to endure as we have without all of the constant love and support of our friends and family. THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts!
Saturday, 21 May 2011
Sunday, 3 April 2011
Refiner's Fire
You don't become strong without challenge. My current trial is apparently the way in which my Father in Heaven has designed for me to become something more. Although like many, I would prefer to become strong through simple day to day living. I often wish I could see the end from the beginning in order to more fully understand the Lord's plan for me. Yet the trial of my faith is the main purpose of this particular time in my life. By this I have felt a deepening of testimony. I am in constant communication with the Lord through humble prayer. I have certainly asked many times for this burden to be lifted, but have also asked the Lord for his will to be done.
As a future parent, I feel an opportunity to better understand the good intentions of a Heavenly Parent. Does the mother of a young child take him to the doctor for shots simply to enjoy his pain? Of course not! The future well being of this precious young child is safeguarded, because of a mother's well intentioned love. So is it, with our Heavenly Father who allows us eternal growth through "small moments" of tribulation. He does not leave us to endure alone, but has given the greatest gift through the atoning sacrifice of His only begotten Son. Because the Lord loved us enough, He allowed Jesus Christ to suffer for all of His children's sins, sufferings, sicknesses, and sorrows. By this I know there is at least One who has felt the pain, sadness and lonliness of my ailment.
This weekend has been a great reminder to me of all of these things. As I have listened to the words of the prophet, apostles and other auxilary leaders, I have been recharged and refueled to continue steadfastly on the path that the Lord has prepared for me. If you would like to listen, read or view some of the inspiring words of these leaders of our church, please visit http://lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2011/04?lang=eng
As a future parent, I feel an opportunity to better understand the good intentions of a Heavenly Parent. Does the mother of a young child take him to the doctor for shots simply to enjoy his pain? Of course not! The future well being of this precious young child is safeguarded, because of a mother's well intentioned love. So is it, with our Heavenly Father who allows us eternal growth through "small moments" of tribulation. He does not leave us to endure alone, but has given the greatest gift through the atoning sacrifice of His only begotten Son. Because the Lord loved us enough, He allowed Jesus Christ to suffer for all of His children's sins, sufferings, sicknesses, and sorrows. By this I know there is at least One who has felt the pain, sadness and lonliness of my ailment.
This weekend has been a great reminder to me of all of these things. As I have listened to the words of the prophet, apostles and other auxilary leaders, I have been recharged and refueled to continue steadfastly on the path that the Lord has prepared for me. If you would like to listen, read or view some of the inspiring words of these leaders of our church, please visit http://lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2011/04?lang=eng
Thursday, 31 March 2011
1 Year Older!
Yesterday was one of the BEST days I have had in the hospital. My birthday was a very special experience this year. Through the support and love of family and friends I had a party all day long. From 9:30 am until 10 pm I was NEVER alone! I had a cheerfully decorated hospital room (thanks to Nola, Katelyn and James), beautiful flowers (thanks to my wonderful employers), and constant company, thanks to soooo many friends and loved ones! If I had to be in hospital for my 24th birthday, that was definitely the way to celebrate it! I am so grateful for the love and support of so many as Brad and I continue along our very unique road to parenthood. Although daily I struggle to stay completely positive in this difficult situation, yesterday was like a power boost of positivity to keep me strong for quite some time! Thank you again to everyone who made my day!
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Waking Up is a Beautiful Thing - When You've Slept
Last night at around 11 o'clock was our second attempt at finding a way for me to get some MUCH NEEDED sleep. After taking my usual gravol and a couple of sleeping pills all prescribed by my doctor, the magic happened. Three hours later I awoke feeling somewhat refreshed! Although 2 am is not neccessarily the time of day you want to wake up to. Trust me I did not mind one bit. Those three hours of sleep were like sacred golden moments. I am soooooo grateful I was finally able to sleep even that little bit. I feel ready to face another nauseous and exhausting day, and know that I have what it takes to make it through. Although my symptoms have not lessened or even disappeared I know the sleep I received last night was a blessing from my Heavenly Father. I have been praying that I might be able to at least have the adequate physical strength to face this trial. And for today I do!
Monday, 28 March 2011
Another Sleepless Night
Well I was really hoping with some extra medication ordered from my doctor yesterday I might be able to actually get some sleep last night, but it didn't happen. First thing that set me off course was the fact that I got transferred from one unit in the hospital to another. Since I was being moved, but didn't know when, it was difficult for the nursing staff to decide whether or not to give me some of the medications I have been taking because of some of their side effects. So I went an extra 3-4 hourse without ANY of my 4 anti-nausea medications. It wasn't a whole lot of fun. Even though the medications do not get rid of the nausea, some of them do seem to lessen it at least to some degree.
Once Brad helped me move rooms and settle in for the night he said goodnight. I was left in an unfamiliar place where I didn't know any of the nursing staff and they didn't know me. I had really gotten to know some of the nurses on my old ward because I had been with them for almost a total of 3 weeks. But, the nurses who met me in my new room were very welcoming. They tried the best they could to make me comfortable. Finally at around 10pm it was time to take the medication my doctor had prescribed to try and help me sleep. After an hour past and I had not felt the slightest bit of drowsiness, I realized this wasn't going to work. I was quite disappointed because I had really been looking forward to a good nights rest. Over the last 10 days I would venture to guess I have slept an average of 30 minutes a night. Not much to go on. I am extremely tired, but again the nausea and vomitting keeps me up at all hours, day or night.
So tonight we are going to try a double dose of the sleeping medication with the combination of an anti-nausea medication, in hopes that sleep will come my way. And if not, I guess there's not really much lost. There is only a LOT to gain from a restful night. Wish me luck!
Once Brad helped me move rooms and settle in for the night he said goodnight. I was left in an unfamiliar place where I didn't know any of the nursing staff and they didn't know me. I had really gotten to know some of the nurses on my old ward because I had been with them for almost a total of 3 weeks. But, the nurses who met me in my new room were very welcoming. They tried the best they could to make me comfortable. Finally at around 10pm it was time to take the medication my doctor had prescribed to try and help me sleep. After an hour past and I had not felt the slightest bit of drowsiness, I realized this wasn't going to work. I was quite disappointed because I had really been looking forward to a good nights rest. Over the last 10 days I would venture to guess I have slept an average of 30 minutes a night. Not much to go on. I am extremely tired, but again the nausea and vomitting keeps me up at all hours, day or night.
So tonight we are going to try a double dose of the sleeping medication with the combination of an anti-nausea medication, in hopes that sleep will come my way. And if not, I guess there's not really much lost. There is only a LOT to gain from a restful night. Wish me luck!
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Fast Sunday Turned Fast Month!
Since today is fast Sunday in our ward today, I decided I would like to share my testimony. Although I can't attend church, I do feel it is important for me to share my knowledge of the gospel and its truthfulness. And I would consider the past MONTH my version of a fast...haha.
I KNOW that my Redeemer and Saviour, Jesus Christ Lives. I know that he came to this earth as our Father's only begotten son. He lived a PERFECT life and yet Atoned for all of our sins. Not only did he atone for our sins, he atoned for our sufferings and sadness. He knows each of us individual and can succor us according to our individual needs. Even in our deepest, darkest trials he does not leave us. I have felt him near as I have cried out to him. I have been surrounded by his love as I have struggled over the past few weeks.
I'm grateful for kind doctors and nurses who are patient with the fact they have to constantly clean up me. I'm also grateful for Prayer! Although I am by myself most of the day, I don't have to feel completely alone because I know I am not. I couldn't imagine going through something like this without a knowledge of a father in heaven who loves me and knows me. I am grateful for a husband who is worthy to hold the priesthood and can give me blessings at a moments notice! I am grateful for the atonement of a Saviour who suffered not only for my sins but for my suffering and sorrows. Sometimes I feel like no one understands what this sickness is truly like, but I know my Saviour Jesus Christ knows just how it feels. I am grateful for support near and far! And I am especially grateful I am carrying a precious child of our Heavenly Father's! If anything would be worth this pain and suffering, becoming a mother is!!! I am grateful to know that my baby is healthy even though I might not be. I am so excited to be a mom! And that's one thing that I hold on to EVERY DAY!
I guess when I truly stop and reflect I still have a whole lot to be thankful for! My God has not forsaken me! I believe in him with all my heart and know that he lives! I understand now a little bit more why the Lord draws us closer to him through trials. I have never prayed more often, or pleaded with God in such a sincere manner before now. I think I have felt the true definition of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And although I have never felt so low in my life, I have never been lifted HIGHER! I am learning to let go and let Christ carry me as in the poem Footprints! I know that when I look back in the sand it will be clear to me that the one set of footprints was never mine. There is no other explanation for me to be where I am. This span of time will be but a small moment and I hope to look back at this time with gratitude and not a grudge. I am not claiming that I do not have times when I want to give up or quite, but those times pass when I learn to rely on the Lord. My testimony truly is the crutch I hold tightly to. When the weight is just too much, I lean on my testimony. Without it, I would have given up long ago. Don't ever let your testimony fade... it is the light that leads you in the right direction.
I KNOW that my Redeemer and Saviour, Jesus Christ Lives. I know that he came to this earth as our Father's only begotten son. He lived a PERFECT life and yet Atoned for all of our sins. Not only did he atone for our sins, he atoned for our sufferings and sadness. He knows each of us individual and can succor us according to our individual needs. Even in our deepest, darkest trials he does not leave us. I have felt him near as I have cried out to him. I have been surrounded by his love as I have struggled over the past few weeks.
I'm grateful for kind doctors and nurses who are patient with the fact they have to constantly clean up me. I'm also grateful for Prayer! Although I am by myself most of the day, I don't have to feel completely alone because I know I am not. I couldn't imagine going through something like this without a knowledge of a father in heaven who loves me and knows me. I am grateful for a husband who is worthy to hold the priesthood and can give me blessings at a moments notice! I am grateful for the atonement of a Saviour who suffered not only for my sins but for my suffering and sorrows. Sometimes I feel like no one understands what this sickness is truly like, but I know my Saviour Jesus Christ knows just how it feels. I am grateful for support near and far! And I am especially grateful I am carrying a precious child of our Heavenly Father's! If anything would be worth this pain and suffering, becoming a mother is!!! I am grateful to know that my baby is healthy even though I might not be. I am so excited to be a mom! And that's one thing that I hold on to EVERY DAY!
I guess when I truly stop and reflect I still have a whole lot to be thankful for! My God has not forsaken me! I believe in him with all my heart and know that he lives! I understand now a little bit more why the Lord draws us closer to him through trials. I have never prayed more often, or pleaded with God in such a sincere manner before now. I think I have felt the true definition of a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And although I have never felt so low in my life, I have never been lifted HIGHER! I am learning to let go and let Christ carry me as in the poem Footprints! I know that when I look back in the sand it will be clear to me that the one set of footprints was never mine. There is no other explanation for me to be where I am. This span of time will be but a small moment and I hope to look back at this time with gratitude and not a grudge. I am not claiming that I do not have times when I want to give up or quite, but those times pass when I learn to rely on the Lord. My testimony truly is the crutch I hold tightly to. When the weight is just too much, I lean on my testimony. Without it, I would have given up long ago. Don't ever let your testimony fade... it is the light that leads you in the right direction.
Saturday, 26 March 2011
O Savior, Stay This Night With Me!
Well, this is day 4 of my new food source and everything seems to be going well with that. The area where they inserted the line is no longer bothering me... it's just itchy, which I'm told is very normal. I'm so thankful that I no longer have to worry about little baby Pierson receiving the nourishment he/she needs through this developmental stage.
On the other hand, things have not really changed as far as the nausea and vomitting. It's been a rough few days as I am constantly struggling with the fact that I am still very HUNGRY! I try not to focus on it, but some days it is very difficult to ignore the rumbles of my tummy...lol. I want to eat, but I know the price I have to pay afterwards and often the cost is just too high. It has now been 5 weeks since I was able to keep any food or liquid down.
One of the things that has been a saving grace is the wonderful nursing staff here at the hospital! They are AMAZING! I am grateful for their smiles and constant kindness as I have been going through this trial. A couple of nurses in particular have made an extra effort during the nights to take time and talk with me, as they realized I was not getting much sleep. These short and yet thoughtful conversations have made the late hours barable for me. It seems the night is when I am struggling the most as I find myself often laying alone in a dark room hoping to find a short sleepy escape from this unceasing discomfort. Yesterday before Brad went home for the night he took some time to sing some hymns to me, which ALWAYS seems to bring some sense of comfort. The last one he sang was "Abide With Me Tis Eventide".
I find myself spending a lot of my time in earnest prayer to my Heavenly Father. I have never felt so literally low in my entire life... and yet I have never been LIFTED HIGHER! Last night the words of the hymn were my constant prayer and I know that HE heard me:
On the other hand, things have not really changed as far as the nausea and vomitting. It's been a rough few days as I am constantly struggling with the fact that I am still very HUNGRY! I try not to focus on it, but some days it is very difficult to ignore the rumbles of my tummy...lol. I want to eat, but I know the price I have to pay afterwards and often the cost is just too high. It has now been 5 weeks since I was able to keep any food or liquid down.
One of the things that has been a saving grace is the wonderful nursing staff here at the hospital! They are AMAZING! I am grateful for their smiles and constant kindness as I have been going through this trial. A couple of nurses in particular have made an extra effort during the nights to take time and talk with me, as they realized I was not getting much sleep. These short and yet thoughtful conversations have made the late hours barable for me. It seems the night is when I am struggling the most as I find myself often laying alone in a dark room hoping to find a short sleepy escape from this unceasing discomfort. Yesterday before Brad went home for the night he took some time to sing some hymns to me, which ALWAYS seems to bring some sense of comfort. The last one he sang was "Abide With Me Tis Eventide".
I find myself spending a lot of my time in earnest prayer to my Heavenly Father. I have never felt so literally low in my entire life... and yet I have never been LIFTED HIGHER! Last night the words of the hymn were my constant prayer and I know that HE heard me:
1. Abide with me; ’tis eventide.
The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall;
The night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest,
Within my home abide.
The day is past and gone;
The shadows of the evening fall;
The night is coming on.
Within my heart a welcome guest,
Within my home abide.
[Chorus]
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
2. Abide with me; ’tis eventide.
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near thy side.
Thy walk today with me
Has made my heart within me burn,
As I communed with thee.
Thy earnest words have filled my soul
And kept me near thy side.
[Chorus]
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
3. Abide with me; ’tis eventide,
And lone will be the night
If I cannot commune with thee
Nor find in thee my light.
The darkness of the world, I fear,
Would in my home abide.
And lone will be the night
If I cannot commune with thee
Nor find in thee my light.
The darkness of the world, I fear,
Would in my home abide.
[Chorus]
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
O Savior, stay this night with me;
Behold, ’tis eventide.
Although my sickness has not been taken away, I know the Lord hears and answers my prayers. Last night my hospital room may have seemed empty to any other person, but I KNOW that I was NOT alone. Though FAITH may not bring me healing, it can bring me PEACE! My SAVIOR and REDEEMER, JESUS CHRIST is the true peace I seek at this time. HE has NEVER forsaken me!
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